I have become increasingly convinced that one of the most dangerous things happening to us isn’t the rise of the right or the excesses of the left.

It’s the death of nuance.

And before I climb too far up onto my soapbox here, I should probably admit that I’m guilty of it too.

I’ve written things in anger. I’ve reduced people to labels and assumed motives. I’ve looked at something somebody posted and immediately decided I knew everything I needed to know about them. And yes, I’ve enjoyed the dopamine hit of righteous indignation just as much as the next guy.

I’ve been sarcastic when I could have been curious and dismissive when I could have listened a bit better. And I have absolutely convinced myself that because I believed I was on the right side of an issue, whatever I said about the people on the other side was somehow justified.

I’m really trying to be better about this because I don’t like where this is taking us.

We have apparently decided that every complicated issue must now have two teams. Pick one, put on the jersey, and defend your side at all costs. And if you dare say, “Well, actually, I think there’s some truth over here too,” congratulations—you are now hated by everybody.

If you despise Donald Trump, you’re apparently required to believe every conservative is a racist, ignorant, democracy-hating lunatic. If you support him, you’re apparently required to believe everyone on the left is a woke Marxist trying to destroy the country.

Canada is rapidly importing the same disease. Pierre Poilievre is either the saviour of Canada or the Antichrist. Mark Carney is either the only adult in the room or an elitist globalist coming for your freedom.

Every issue gets shoved through the same ideological meat grinder until all that remains is US and THEM. And I’ve totally participated in that. I’ve mocked people rather than their ideas and painted with a brush that was far too broad. I’ve written people off because of a vote, a Facebook post or a political allegiance.

Sometimes they absolutely deserved the criticism. In my own community, Chris Leahy has proven to be a destructive force in government and I am hell bent on keeping him away from the Mayorship for the sake of this town I love. And there are plenty of others locally, nationally, and internationally that are dead set on hating and dividing and I won’t be silent about it.

But that doesn’t mean I am always fair. There’s a difference.

Social media makes all of this exponentially worse because nuance is simply terrible content. “I understand why you feel that way, although I disagree with part of your conclusion” doesn’t exactly go viral. “YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE” absolutely does.

But nowhere has the death of nuance been more painful, destructive and frankly infuriating to me than the war in Gaza. Because apparently, I’m supposed to choose between Israel or Palestine and that’s it. Pick one.

No. I refuse.

I can believe that the October 7 attack by Hamas was horrific AND believe Palestinian civilians are not Hamas. I can believe Israel has a right to exist AND believe Palestinians have a right to dignity, freedom and a future. I can care deeply about Israeli families AND be horrified by the suffering of Palestinian families. I can believe Israel has legitimate security concerns AND fiercely criticize the decisions and actions of the Israeli government. I can believe Hamas has committed horrific acts without believing Palestinian children should somehow inherit responsibility for them.

None of those things contradict each other. And yet we have created an environment where simply acknowledging the humanity or suffering of the “other” side is treated as betrayal and that should terrify us.

We have started confusing empathy with endorsement.

Acknowledging Palestinian suffering does not mean I support Hamas. Acknowledging the fear and trauma experienced by Jews around the world does not mean I support every action of the Israeli government. Understanding why somebody voted Conservative doesn’t mean I agree with them. Understanding why somebody voted Liberal or NDP doesn’t mean I agree with them either.

Understanding is not surrender. I think I’ve forgotten that sometimes. Maybe we all have.

That’s the death of nuance.

We’re all looking through our own experiences, histories, fears, loyalties and biases, and somewhere along the way, many of us became more interested in proving that we were right than understanding why someone else might see the world differently. And while we scream at each other about which team possesses the exclusive rights to morality, actual human beings disappear from the conversation.

Friends become enemies and neighbours become caricatures. Jews become “Zionists” and Palestinians become “terrorists.” Conservatives become “Nazis” and Liberals become “communists.”

And once you’ve reduced another human being to a label, you no longer have to listen to them. You don’t even have to see them.

And that’s what is killing us. Not disagreement. Democracy was built for disagreement. Indeed, pluralistic societies REQUIRE disagreement. What’s killing us is the absolute certainty that anyone who disagrees with us must also be stupid, corrupt, hateful or evil.

Nuance doesn’t mean standing in the middle of every issue. This isn’t some lazy “there are good people on both sides” argument. Sometimes one side really is wrong and the evidence overwhelmingly points in one direction. Sometimes morality requires taking a stand. Sometimes people behave terribly and deserve to be called out for it.

Nuance simply means being intellectually honest enough to recognize that the world does not reorganize itself into convenient little piles because you’ve chosen a political team.

It means being willing to criticize your own side and acknowledging inconvenient facts. It means recognizing humanity even in people whose politics make you crazy.

It means occasionally saying “I don’t know.” Or “I was wrong.”

I’m trying to say those things more and listen a little longer before deciding what someone believes. I’m trying to attack bad ideas without automatically deciding that they belong to bad people.

I will undoubtedly fuck it up. But I’m trying. Because right now we aren’t debating ideas anymore – we’re just defending identities. In the end, if every disagreement becomes a battle between good people and evil people, eventually there is nobody left to talk to. Just two increasingly furious tribes screaming across the divide, certain that they are right and the others are monsters. Completely oblivious to the possibility that while everyone is busy winning the argument, we are all losing everything else.